mirror gazing

When you look in the mirror what do you see? Do you see yourself or someone else? Do you look directly into your eyes, maybe check all of your features? Do you look at the things around you instead?

I used to stare directly into my eyes for minutes on end. Every single day, waking up to my own reflection. Sitting with myself by doing the following: repeating mantras, asking for a connection, saying “I am beautiful” until I felt something light up inside.

Looking at myself made me feel seen. It made me feel alive! Like I could tackle anything the day was to bring forth because those few moments of complete stillness, were the best way to start my day.

Now, what changed? It’s been 3.5+ months since I’ve been able to stare into my heart/soul. Going from being a daily mirror riser to someone who now can’t even stand to look at herself is a full trip in itself. From simple life to full destruction from *a situation* that I never thought could be real or true. A lot to process in a short scale time…

What I’ve learned so far in my gazing absence – mirrors play tricks if you allow. It’s as if your souls being sucked right out of your body, unconsciously. The girl with fire in her eyes turned into someone she never expected and it has quite honestly turned me into a little monster. A little monster who started doubting every aspect of her life, a little monster who stopped questioning the status quo, a little monster who caves easily #listenandobey. From complete breakdown to breakthrough, what does it take to bounce back? What will bring me back to the mirror?

TIME. Time is what heals and helps reveal hard truths. Truths that need to be transformed from the root up – from rocky points to shiny polished gems. I’m coming to terms with my past/who I thought I was. Things won’t ever make full sense and they don’t need to right now. Because at the end of the day, if I’m able to pull myself together and flow along the way, the mirror/my reflection will always be standing right there when I’m ready to gaze back in.

*Situation to be written about in future posts*