The ultimate social dilemma

Social media is a double edge sword. The life of others at the touch of your fingertips. Scrolling endlessly for hours to see funny memes, life updates, theories, and truths from family/friends BUT what purpose does it bring?

Social media was an outlet for me to express. Little did I know, it did not expose my whole self. It’s a time warped facade for people to blast their favorite memories and slide away from their hidden truths. Posting all the things that lit my world up and hiding from the things that made me feel insecure. We all do it but how far down the rabbit whole can one go?

I chose a gnarly weird path last year that brought me into a whirlwind of *a situation*. A situation I never thought would become a reality. Full transparency, I creeped… which led to me being fully exposed in the wildest way. I became fully infatuated with a colleague I never got a chance to actually meet in real life. From work meetings to full fledge social media creeping – I got hooked and reeled in.

Trying to understand who/why/what this woman was became a full time job and looking back, I’m disgusted in myself. Being in a long-term committed relationship with a best friend to ruining myself (loss of job, partner, self) brought on a whirlwind of emotions that I’ve been sitting in for months. A best friendship that went from full of fun to stagnation that left me wanting to escape – escape in a sense of finding myself and coming back home to who I was. I just didn’t think things would take a turn for the worst and that’s where the lack of closure has left me dumbfounded.

From always looking for the truth in situations to not understanding anything going on – it’s been a full on emotional/mental/spiritual mind fuck. What started as a vivid fantasy in my mind, turned into hearing voices 24/7 for over 4+ months. Is what I saw and heard even true? Has everything up to now been irrational thoughts and me just being stuck in my head? Am I actually paranoid? Is any of this real, am I being set-up for a larger agenda? An agenda that is going to use my past against me? An agenda that listened to conversations through floorboards to gain perspective on a personal situation?

These are all hypothetical questions that I’ve not been able to answer. Being the girl who posted on Instagram everyday, spending hours on end scrolling through trying to figure someone out along with posting silly truth seeking health memes, to now not even being able to use her laptop/phone… it’s a trippy breakthrough in itself and all it took was daily emotional breakdowns to zig zag back on the bumpiest path.

I’m still not sure why things unfolded the way they did… however, one thing I hold deep is that the social media dilemma has made me real-eyes that what you see is not what you get. Mirrored screens are a reflection of your egooo, who is the real you? Hmm… sit on this for a sec then come back to: questioning everything, using better discernment, being OK with being called crazy, never losing sight of being you, asking/striving for the truth. All of this wrapped together will get you out of any social trap. And we all know how the algorithms want your eyes/fingers glued…

Pssst… this *situation* will def be further written about – stay tuned!